"I don't know why I've been "afraid" to share my story but someone actually saw the semicolon charm on my bracelet today and asked me WHY. I wasn't afraid to share with her then, so I want to share it with you now. "
I had my first son in August 2015. He was perfect in every way. I suffered with some baby blues for a little while. It would come and go. I could catch myself in a pile of tears over silly things and just fluffed them off. When my son was about 6 months old, my husband working endlessly long hours, we had a really rough weekend. He was very fussy, lots of crying, I felt like he was inconsolable. It was 3:00 am and I was exhausted, he was teething and all of a sudden...I felt like a failure.
And then it hit me. I had very horrible thoughts of self-harm. I felt like I was worthless and couldn't do this. I felt like my son and husband would be better off with out me. I just wasn't cut out to be a mother. I couldn't calm him down, I couldn't get him to sleep, I was just a failure. Over the next month, I had two more of these episodes. It was like my body shut down and a mind that wasn't mine took over. I struggled to tell my husband. I struggled to call my doctor and when I did, he told me that I was too far postpartum for postpartum depression. I knew I couldn't take that. This couldn't be it for me. I made my own appointment with a counselor, and was diagnosed with bipolar postpartum depression.
I now look back and I'm proud of myself. I didn't give in to the evil that entered my head. I didn't let the emotions take over. I didn't let my story end.
I wear the semicolon charm daily. It's a reminder to me of being able to overcome the evil and not letting my story end, just like a writer uses the semi colon to not end the thought.
It's now been three years. I just had my second son in August and I'm in a much better emotional state. I look back at the time with my first son and realize that I was overwhelmed with the typical newborn baby and first-time mom things but the depression that I didn't know I had made it a thousand times worse. I've refused to let it enter my life again.
I now have two wonderful boys, a great husband and a story that is continuing. I didn't let it end.
Everyone has a story. What’s yours?
We want to know YOU! Send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with your short story telling us the meaning behind a charm on your bracelet. It can be a significant event, accomplishment, or memory to a milestone, or special relationship. If your story is chosen to be featured, you get a $50 store credit!
Stories inspire and build empathy. They give us a window into a life often different than our own. Stories break down barriers, helping us all understand each other and the world just a little bit better.